Today was the day I have been looking forward to since February 2013. It was the first day of my daughters pre school, well more like pre pre school. Two hours every Friday all to myself. All these ideas of what I could do for 2 hours that I wish I had more time for. Working out, maybe getting a stand up paddle board and doing that, shopping, or painting. Today I was really excited to sketch! A coffee shop seemed like a good starting point today since I don't know the surrounding area to well to know of a good local to paint.
This morning I was late yet I still managed to pack my sketchbook, my tablet (the coffee shops aren't that cute looking), my pencils, and some pens. Ready I was so ready. Until I ordered my coffee, got really nervous and walked outside thinking I would just sketch outside. Couldn't get WIFI to work so I went back inside. Instead of sketching at all I stayed on the tablet browsing facebook and my emails. It actually made me so nervous and petrified to pull out my sketchbook and draw. Having people talk to me about my sketches was not what I wanted. What if someone peered at my sketch and thought it sucked? What if I started to doodle and since being so nervous I would have the worst ugliest sketches of my life? What is someone came over and gave me crap for sketching from photos and not from real life? What if I started sketching people in the coffee shop? THAT IS HORRIFYINGLY SCARY!!! After thinking of all the what ifs I just couldn't do it.
Even when I was in art classes in high school I hated to sit next to any one. I didn't like people looking at me draw. If anyone would step behind me or glance over at my paper I would stop and cover up right away. All my life I was used to drawing alone in my room. If I didn't like a sketch I would keep it in my sketchbook without having to show anyone. While I like to show off my finished works if they are something I like, I hate being so exposed during the process. Art to me is a solitary activity. Yet I want to get out there and do it! I wish I could get the balls to just do it!